hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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