If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
