why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
