Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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