Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
