Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize