return my video game
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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