Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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