My hand turned me down
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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