yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
