Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.

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(847): View more from Illinois

woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills

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(708): View more from Illinois

we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!

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(805): View more from California

We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.

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