Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(419): View more from Ohio

I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.

(260): View more from Indiana

Good luck with that.

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(315): View more from New York

You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?

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(917): View more from New York City

It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall

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(304): View more from West Virginia

i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..

(1-843): View more from South Carolina

successful birthday. 2012 rules

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(904): View more from Florida

Hey, thanks for helping me this morning

(1-904): View more from Florida

Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.

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(647): View more from Ontario

He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?

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