dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize