I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
