my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
