to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
