And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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