how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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