Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
