I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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