we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
