She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
