I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
