Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
third nipple confirmed
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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