Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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