Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
its liver damage thursday
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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