I CAN MOONWALK!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
