i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
