you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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