I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Oh god it's open bar.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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