stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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