The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
