so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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