she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
