I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize