the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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