good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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