I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
