If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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