I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
