i may or may not be watching the land before time
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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