bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
