Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
