Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I will pee on everything he values.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
