You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
