one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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