At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
