my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
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