i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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