hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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