so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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