Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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