i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
