final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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