dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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