Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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