he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
