that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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