): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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