Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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