He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
