I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
