I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
