I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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